october 25 2010

Why the fuck am i writing a blog, who the fuck is this blog for. These are questions im posed with (mind you im kinda stoned and its 445 in the morning) when i write this shit. Well im writing this for me. I dont want feed back, i dont need anyones opinions on m thoughts. I dont really care, these things are my own and just because they are here doesnt mean i am giving them away. Im just putting small pieces of them on display. Others will interpret them how they will, thats not my concern. Im only concerned with venting my thoughts (and maybe my emotions) and catalouging them in a place where i will always be able to access them and if one day i was gone, and everyone who knew me forgot about me or was gone as well, i will still exist somewhere in this world. So that maybe a hundred years from now my great great grandkids can track this down and know a little bit about a few moments in my life. So they can listen to the hushed squeaking of the wheels in my mind turning for brief moments in time. Im so afraid of being forgotten entirely. I need to write my dad.

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october 24 2010

Its so strange, having to sleep in a seperate bed than my wife. For all the times we've fought and and not went to bed together, there are so few times we have not at least layed together. Shes radioactive right now. Its strange, but its a neccessary strangeness. She had thyroid cancer. Now thanks to modern medicine she doesnt have thyroid cancer anymore, or a thyroid. They removed her thyroid but to get rid of any traces of the thyroid cancer they gave her a dose of radioactive iodine. So now for the next day or so more her touch will transfer those radioactive iodines to anything or anyone she touches, potentially damaging thier thyroid. So i cant touch my wife. I cant go near her for more than an hour or so. Honestly, i think i could hold her hand when the naseau is crippling her, just to comfort her, but she wont allow it. I dont blame her, it would suck to know you were the reason someone you loves has cancer. I dont know. Its late, i should sleep.

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